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A word from Jürgen Klopp

Hey guys, Jürgen here. Chris Wilder is a nasty man, no? Three subs, one point! HAHA! His face looks really bad too - why are his teeth not also made out of the finest ivory?

That’s enough about Chris Wilder. I’m not going to think about Chris Wilder EVER AGAIN. Anyway, here’s a list of annoying things that we’ve all experienced, and whose fault they are.

Ice on your car windscreen? Blame Chris Wilder's cold heart.

Heartburn? Chris Wilder has shares in Gaviscon and Rennie.

That bit of crap you get in your eye in the morning sometimes that you have to blink out and you think is still there for the next hour? Chris Wilder put it there.

Monday morning? Wilder’s favourite time of the week.

Left your cup of tea on the side and it’s just too cold to enjoy but you can’t be bothered to put it in the microwave? Wilder took the plug out anyway.

Forgot if you locked the door? Chris Wilder.

Bad hair day? Chris Wilder.

Caught in the rain before a big interview? Chris Wilder.

Dog shit on your shoe? Wilder.

A free ride when you’ve already paid? Wilder.

The Cuban Missile Crisis? Wilder.

COVID-19? I couldn’t possibly speculate (it’s Wilder).

Not getting the support of enough fellow Premier League managers to push through a rule change that would inevitably benefit the bigger, richer clubs, and wouldn't be revoked next season, thereby widening the gap between clubs even further?…

I’m not sure about that one, actually. It’s probably Chris Wilder, though.

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